Relationships like these can last for years, but then they usually end. And they also leave deep wounds. It may seem pure masochism, but it is not totally illogical. There is a part of us, the most unconscious one, the childish and insecure part, which really feels alive only if it is involved in a relationship that presents our own wounds. And if the other person, voluntarily or not, reopens the wounds that have not completely healed on us, that part of us finds himself emotionally involved at the highest levels.
To understand how long we are able to survive, to check once again if we can close them definitively. Why not, to help us understand that those injuries are part of us and must be accepted. Relationships like these may be necessary for our growth. They may also be the right ones to share an entire life with. The only risk is that, if one day we really managed to completely close that wound, we could discover that we changed so much that we no longer feel the need to be with that person.
And we would find ourselves driven elsewhere, with all the bad feelings that this imply. Often such relationships are formed because you clearly see that the other person needs you. And this may be more than enough to bind us sentimentally. I was the kind of girlfriend who would try to change toxic men. I am too empathetic. Toxic guys love to play the victim role and could win an Oscar for it.
I let my emotions get in the way instead of seeing the cold, hard truth: these were guys who would throw on the waterworks to get what they wanted. I had given up on love. After some bad experiences, I had become jaded about love — and toxic men can smell that from a mile away.
So when the charming but toxic guy came along and paid real attention to me and seemed to be such a great catch, it was easy to fall for it and think he was going to be an amazing man. He could then use that to his advantage to get what he wanted from me. I was too much of a giver and became a relationship martyr. It was too easy for the toxic guys to make the most of this for as long as I stuck around. I was a good listener. A toxic man loves nothing more than to talk about himself for hours.
But with toxic men, I became saddled with their self-talk because they knew I was the type of woman to give them the time of day. I'm thinking it's most likely because the exhibit behavior that makes it difficult to sustain a healthy romantic relationship. Possibilities that come to mind include substance abuse, cheating, emotional abuse, depression, bitterness, and fear of commitment.
Kind of makes sense, right? So, I started to think, why would she or any woman attract damaged men? By the way, this all applies to women, as well. In other words, women can be damaged, too. Here are six potential reasons why you might be attracting damaged men or women :. Low self-esteem. In my opinion, people with low self-esteem, who don't think they can attract someone better than a person exhibiting these bad behaviors tend to go after damaged men or women.
You don't want to be alone. Some people can't stand not being in a relationship. They view being single as lonely and sad. Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. Whether you are struggling with a mental health condition, coping with anxiety about a life situation, or simply looking for a therapist's insight, submit a question. Look out for my answers to your questions every Friday in the Healthy Mind newsletter.
And you naturally want to help them be their best. Your relationships with your parents might be the first place to look for clues. Perhaps you had a mother who dated men who needed to be fixed. Or maybe your father was a great guy who was battling serious problems. And now, you date men who remind you of your father. The more you focus on helping other people with their problems, the less time you have to invest addressing your own issues.
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